Warning: The following post is explicit and entirely composed of “touch much detail.” It is not for those with a conscience, the morally inclined or the squeamish. If you choose to continue to read, you need not place judgment. I’ve already been to church to pray for my soul. Only 9,354 Hail Mary’s to go, while kneeling on rice and flagellating.
I F*CKED the groom! Yes, you read that right, I F*CKED the groom! Oh VEGAS! Why do you make me such a bad person? My moral compass and self-respect was left in Vancouver
It began innocently enough. Fifteen guys for the groom’s stag. The guys kept on inviting Eva and I out. I had my eye on a couple of the SINGLE ones. Note SINGLE. Then Saturday night rolls around and they invited us out to Excess . That’s where the innocence ends. I am not sure if it is because all my guy friends are perverts and say rude things to me all the time, or that I have such low self-esteem that I don’t truly believe a guy would actually pursue me when there were so many hot women around, but whatever it was, the alarm bells did not start ringing once the groom started hitting on me and asking me about my favorite sexual position Ankles to ears, by the way. Who doesn’t love that one…quickly followed by the declaration of “I want to f*ck you”. I am totally stunned. It seemed like average cocky guy talk. Not until he tried to kiss me did a red flag shoot up. Actually yellow. I might have had significant amounts of Grey Goose by this point in the evening. I was starting to get drawn in by the heavy persistence and attention. A girl can only take so much. Eventually, I was in too deep (and later he was in a lot deeper) to walk away. Moral compass gone! Self-respect – dissipated! Clothes – no longer in reach! BAH!! Am I really riding this guy right now? More importantly did he just really have me sit on his face for 2 hours when I had my period?! Funny enough, this is not my first experience with a guy eating me out on my period. It is actually the third. I must have some serious pheromones while on my rag and it just draws the perverts in like magnets. It was just all so dirty and raw, and kids I am not going to lie – It was F*CKEN HOT!! Not sure if the guilt I felt on Monday when I landed back in reality was due to the entire engaged fiancé thing or the fact that I was so taken with the raunchy dirty forbidden sex. But that is not the worst of it. I know how can it get much worse. It became apparent that not only did the groom have no moral crisis over nailing me two weeks before his wedding, but he also did not care about the state of his sheets which now had bloody handprints all over them. What he did care about was the murder scene that was left on his stomach when he finally came and I crawled off. How do I know this you ask? Because when I dismounted, he looked down at his stomach and ran to the bathroom and PUKED! Have you ever had a guy puke after sex? Talk about destroying your self-esteem.
Now besides the obvious problem of infidelity and breaking one of the commandments (Thou shall not covet another’s husband), there is the additional issue of opening up the flood gates. I am a bit of an 18 year old boy when it comes to getting laid, and once I get it I want it all the time. At the moment I am going through complete withdrawal and am horny as f*ck which sucks because as a result I was prepared to hump a lamp post the other day. So despite moral repercussions which, let’s be honest, I was already going to hell because of Sunday morning, I dropped by his room early Monday morning before checkout to get another fix. This is where my self-respect hit an all time low. Not only were his hotel mates in the room while he persistently asked me to put his balls in my mouth while trying to rip off my clothes, but there were also conversations with his roommates about lesbian experiences and the puking incident while I played tug and pull under the covers. Then one of them turned on porn. I am not sure why I drew the line at that given everything else I was doing. Yes, my high standards included not nailing him in the room with the guys and hanging out with 4 guys watching porn while I was in my underwear. I even picked out the porn episode entitled “Who is f*cking my hot wife?” I thought the theme of infidelity was appropriate! But after the jokes and the props for being cruel from the roommates, I decided that my self-respect was still high enough not to stick around for the circle jerk. I assume that is what four guys do when they are sitting around together and watching porn. How I get myself into these situations, I will never know. Oh wait I do know – I knocked on the door because I am an 18 year horny boy! Eventually he concedes and comes back to my room. Which was all good until , ah being a woman is tough sometimes! Stupid air getting trapped in certain holes, no control when it wants to escape. His face might have been right there at the time. Talk about destroying the mood. (I warned you, TOO MUCH DETAIL). Whatever, that will get him back for puking. It was strange after we finished our romp. We lay there and talked about our jobs, finances and why New York over London
What has surprised me about this experience is not that I felt so little guilt about it afterwards (I am single!) but that many of my friends think it was fine. And not just because it was me. Some have even given me props, like a notch on my sexual belt. You always assume that infidelity, no matter the circumstances, should be condemned and that people will judge you for bad behavior. That doesn’t seem to be the case. The general consensus was the responsibility was his and not mine, and I had done nothing wrong. Why should I be the responsible one in Vegas? It’s not like I was getting married. In my years, I know more than one friend who has been the other women, or friends that have cheated. The membership list for TEAM HOME WRECKER is not a short one and some of the names on the list would floor you. Is infidelity less of a sin today? If I said he was not just engaged but married with children and we were still talking, does that make what happened worse? Is there a hierarchy of bad when it comes to cheating, or is cheating just cheating? I grew up in a home where my Dad always had girlfriends, and it was always kinda of known. My mother never made a big deal of it and when it was eventually confirmed to me, I wasn’t devastated. Frankly, I was quite cavalier about it. The issues with my father are not his infidelity, but his treatment of his family. The infidelity only added fuel to the fire. Yet it would be stupid to think the family environment I grew up in did not warp my views on cheating. I am not saying that I would totally be cool with my husband doing as the groom did – I most likely would break his nose – but it does raise the question of whether I would stay. And knowing myself sexually, and the need for the forbidden and exciting, will I one day get wrapped up in a moment and cheat on my husband, and would I expect him to stay if I did? To some it is cut and dry: cheating means the end of a marriage. Of course, your views on this are developed by watching your parent’s relationship, but the above mentioned friends came from a range of family upbringings including solid family units, among those with divorce.
I figure all this uncertainty is why women (and men) stand on their spouses and breathe down their necks to ensure they do not get a moment to stray. To me, that seems exhausting and at times futile. Because all it takes is one luncheon, one trip, one moment when you get carried away. In no way am I saying cheating is OK! I am simply pointing out that there is always a chance of it happening and if it does happen, on a scale of evils where does it happen to fall? I have always believed that if a man is going to cheat he will find a way, and now being the one that was cheated with, I have not changed my belief about trusting your spouse. If my fiancé wants a Vegas stag, strippers, etc, I will in no way stand in his way because in turn I never want to be told I am not allowed to do something. I guess what I am getting at is the cheating topic all depends on the person. Being who I am (that is, not the tamest person in the world who tends to unwittingly push boundaries and get wrapped up in the moment), I may have to live with the fact that the man I do settle down with will be similar and infidelity could happen. How I handle it at the time is a mystery. All I know is, despite the revelation that men really do cheat on their stags, I will not become a controlling girl who nags and harps. It is just not in me, even though there could be potential risks in not doing so.
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